Why Your Mindset Is What It Is…And What You Can Do About It!
In 1998, I went on my first and only blind date.
I had been resisting it for 3 months, but the mutual friend who set up the date was persistent, to say the least.
Blind dates! How . . . Pitiful! Is this what my life had come to? I was so judgmental about the whole concept, but the truth was that my resistance was because this woman sounded like someone I could easily be interested in.
The last thing I wanted was a serious relationship. I had been married (didn’t work out so well) and swore I’d never do it again!
I walked into a little outdoor café for the 1-hour pre-arranged cup of coffee with the obligatory hard-stop. Of course, I had created another appointment to make sure I had an excuse to leave. And there sat a beautiful, intelligent and very direct 40-year old woman.
The conversation was quick.
“Are you Charlsa?” She nodded, “You’re David?” I nodded and took a seat across from her.
After the briefest awkward pause, she looked at me and blurted out, “So, what’s your story?”
I cracked up. I loved her directness. And ended up loving her.
As my wife would say, “What’s your story?”
That really is the purpose of this entire course. We want to tell our stories, convince people to buy our products and create a community around both. Whether you’re a writer, a business person, an athletic trainer, a hobbyist, a realtor, or someone who wants to escape the life you’ve built so far, you’ve got to have a story. And that story is your experience. It’s your wisdom.
It’s an asset!
Introductions are in order.
Hi, I’m David Perdew.
But you know that already. I have a long and checkered history. If you want the resume version, I’ll post it later. But the bullets are:
- Born: New Castle, IN., 1952, in a loving but flawed working class family (aren’t they all?)
- Lived there till I was 18 when I joined the Air Force
- Married when I was 19
- Three children (all over 30 — Good Lord, how did I get so old!)
- Graduated from Indiana University in Journalism in 1978
- Divorced 1984
- Worked in the newspaper business as a photo editor, magazine editor and copy editor until 1989. Left the Atlanta Journal & Constitution in 1989 as Director of Photography
- Started my stock photography agency in 1989
- Married again in 1990
- Sold stock agency in 1995
- Divorced again in 1996
- Changed careers to information technology in 1996 as a programmer
- Became a project manager / consultant in 1997
- Sold my car and bought a 1997 Harley Davidson in 1997 as my only mode of transportation for two years
- Married again in 1998
- Spent 20 years as a successful independent corporate consultant
Ok, there’s my life boiled down to 16 facts — but that’s only part of my story.
Here’s my story
A big part of my story is about money. It’s the measure of success in this country. I was sucked into that vortex for years. The larger my checkbook balance, the better I felt. If it was close to (or God forbid – below) zero, I went into a depression. Not because I had money problems, but because my self-worth was tied directly to the number of zeros following the number 1. It was insane.
And it finally took me the only place it could – all the way to the bottom. The bullet that says “Divorced again in 1996” is directly tied to that bottom. My beliefs about money were driving my life.
My mindset was my biggest struggle. That’s why I think it SO important to focus on our mindset from the start. We’ll attack those beliefs – mine and yours – in a later section today.
Here’s the blessing in that crash: There’s an unexpected freedom at the bottom.
It becomes a reference point never to be forgotten for the rest of your life. It becomes a touchstone for gratitude. When times are rough, I tell myself, “Whew, I’m so grateful I’m not there any longer.” And I know that I never have to go back. But I also know that no matter how difficult things get, I can survive.
That’s a great discovery! Much of the fear that drove my life lessened, if not disappeared. Fear of loss, fear of not being enough, fear of disappointing others – all became my reality, no longer imagined. I experienced loss, not being enough and truly disappointed many others. And there’s such freedom in knowing that from the bottom you can only go up!
The greater gift is knowing that you get to choose your bottom. You don’t have to be penniless and homeless like I had become. You can say that from today forward, I’ll go no lower. I accept responsibility for my life.
The key to an incredible mindset – and business – is personal responsibility!
My life is a pure gift that has continually improved since 1995. Astounding things have happened. Great miracles and wonderful opportunities. Sounds like I’ve got it licked now? Not by a long shot, but I do have a perspective on my life that is huge and that I’m very comfortable with.
I haven’t had a real paycheck since 1989.
A paycheck is a trap. It makes you think the world will protect and save you. Nothing could be further from the truth. As Joe Vitale says in The Attractor Factor (go ahead and buy the book – I’ll reference it a gazillion times):
“The hardest concept for most people to grasp is that they are the sole reason they are experiencing whatever they have in their lives. They are totally responsible.”
Whew! He didn’t say partially responsible. He didn’t say one of the reasons. Don’t look around. He’s talking to you. He said you are responsible for whatever you have in your life.
Yes but . . .
Stop right there. This is a key concept. That’s what every bottom-dweller learns, or they stay on the bottom.
I am responsible for changing my life.
No one else is.
And I can only change one life – mine. Not my wife’s, my son’s, my parents’ or my boss’s. Changing my life is my business. It’s my job and it’s my only job.
MyNAMS training is built around this concept. Memorize it! Cut it out and put it on your refrigerator.
This web business stuff is not easy. It’s simple. But not easy.
Don’t let anyone kid you. Without persistence, nothing will happen. This is a business and must be treated like a new business. That’s what the entire MyNAMS Step-by-Step training is all about: Helping you move from beginner to advanced online business person.
We’ll be thorough, sometimes too thorough. The structure of this course is such that you can attack any topic at anytime, but we really encourage you to go through it methodically from start to finish.
Now, tell me who you are
Go to the forums and introduce yourself if you haven’t already. If you’ve given us the facts, we want more.
- What do you do?
- Who do you love?
- What’s important to you?
- Where do you live? (Not looking for a street address, just a part of the world
) - What do you want from this course?
About David Perdew
I loved reading your story. I relate to it so much. Firstly, thank you for taking my call a few weeks ago. The fact that I could call you directly and you answered… wow, I can’t tell you how cool that was. As we discussed, I wanted to join MyNAMS.com, but needed some direction. I was also hoping to get the lifetime membership I missed out on… doesn’t hurt to ask, right? Well, I joined MN and signed up to a bunch of free things and started getting emails… tons of emails. I was completely overwhelmed! I can’t tell how excited I am about the Dashboard. It’s exactly what I need… an easy-to-navigate step-by-step course. Thank you soooo much!
I too am a journalist, now working as a consultant. Specifically, I was a magazine editor who had a very successful career. But I found myself longing to do more, be an entrepreneur, which lead me to an awful experience that became my bottom. Once I extricated myself for the situation, and took back my life, I entered a year-long journey of self discovery that lead me to launch my blog. I’m clear that everything that happens in life is a lesson, whether it be a good or hurtful experience. As difficult as it was to go through the fire, today I live an more grounded and grateful life. My income is 25% of what it used to be but I’m 100% happier. I’m having fun not taking life too seriously and appreciate every moment of every day. All of which has lead me to launching http://www.CookLikeAJamaican.com. My blog has enriched my relationship with my mother… and my waistline. I’m excited about taking it to the next level. Thank you for being part of my journey. Angela Lawrence
Angela – thanks for telling us your background. These are amazing times we live in
I’ve been out of journalism – officially – since 1989, but I really believe all those skills are absolutely crucial to doing what we do online today. I think you’ve got a big advantage having that in your history. And I loved talking to you about your partnership with your mother on your site. Great concept…Look forward to seeing you in Atlanta at the workshop (if you can make it…)
Just finished reading your story. Amazingly, much like mine.
Made me cry.
I guess I’ve found the right place
Love it.
Glad you found us Bonnie… Didn’t know it was such a touching story, but I just tell it like I see it
I’m a blessed man.
I relate to alot of your story and look forward to one day meeting face to face and maybe breaking a little bread with you. Not this February workshop but the next. I’m making it one of my goal’s.
I won’t post my personal travails here because they are very personal and hurtful to some extent. A lot of stuff that I am still working through with the help of my shrink. I am almost 70 years old and it was not until recently that I found the courage to get the help I needed. I was raised in a culture where men stand on their own, even if they haven’t the feet to do so, if you get my drift.
Just like with NAMS, I had not had the sense to get help with my marketing. Instead I kept banging my head against the wall all by myself, following WSO’s and other products I could afford. What a waste of time and effort! I could be so far ahead of where I am and not be in the situations I find myself in now.
Oh well, can’t change history, I’ll just have to deal with my issues the best I can and keep moving forward, no matter what. At least now I’m feeling a little more confident of my future outcome.
I first joined NAMS on Nov 1 but due to some unexpected medical issues I had not had the chance to get into any of the material here. Now that I’m here I can’t believe the volume of material on this site. I am really looking forward to begin making some progress now that I am a member here. Thanks for having the HEART to create such a place.
Thanks, Alex
Alex – you’re very welcome and I hope you dig in as much as you can.
About our travails in life: I always say it takes what it takes to get us where we are. And sometimes that’s a lot of stumbles along the way. Like you’ve discovered, the best way to avoid most of that is to ask for help! And that’s a really hard thing for those of us in our “mature” state…
Welcome again.
David
Hi David,
Thank you for taking the time to create this page and for telling your story. I can relate in many ways. But here’s just a few …
I’m currently studying copywriting with Karon Thackston. Originally I was a nuclear med tech for 35 years. I love nature and the outdoors, used to bike and run for charities. And since I was in three radiology modalities, photography has always been part of my life with extra courses in college.
I’ve had several painful life experiences, but in the last few years I’ve been able to take the charge off the emotional side effects … and switch off the bad thoughts in the process. Earlier in my life, that type of help wasn’t available. What was available didn’t help. Like you, my belief is that we are definitely in charge of what happens in our own lives. It was just the “how to change it” that had me stuck. I love Dr. Joe, and also Centerpointe. Knowing something mentally and then actually believing it and acting on it are two different things … and trusting the Guidance we receive every day.
What’s important to me is to leave my affairs in order and that means making money now. I wanted what I call a “retirement career” using my writing skills productively, so I went back to college and took journalism. After another decade of life stuff including a family tragedy, I’m starting again.
I keep reminding God that I’m not Methuselah, and he keeps giving me opportunities and blessings with incentives to just keep on keepin’ on … hence, I was directed to NAMS via Karon.
I live in the midwest with a shelter dog and a 32-year old parrot adapting to ever-changing weather conditions–which is why I do my focus work late at night … for now. What I need from this course is exactly what you offer: structure and direction. But you offer so much more. I’ m flabbergasted (is that a real word?). Anyway, I’m grateful for all of it.
Blessings,
Patricia
P.S. I look forward to meeting you and the terrific NAMS team (have read some blogs) in near future.
Thanks Patricia. I’m with you on the retirement career
But I don’t feel very retired these days… Of course, I’ve got a couple more years before I want to fully retire – whatever that means – anyway…
WOW! What an eye opener.
Glad you liked it Dino
We try to keep your eyes open all the time…
Wow we are the same age, guess there is hope for me to make it in the internet world. Just finished reading and am looking forward to devouring all of the NAMS training.
Bill
Hi! I am just beginning my journey up from the bottom and am so excited to be here and learning from somone like you. Reading your story was so very inspitiational. I, too have found all the bumps in the road and knew that there had to be a better way.
I have a wonderful friend that gifted me with my membership to MyNAMS and I am now finding that it is the gift that keeps on giving.
My journey is now looking like quite an adventure. Thank you!
Not as excited as we are to have you here. New people who have a goal and drive to execute it are the lifeblood of our program. And frankly, the most fun. Watching people succeed is awesome. Make sure you go to the forum http://nams.ws/forum and introduce yourself. You’ll find lots of folks there who will help.
I spent a good part of a year studying programs and building a website. So many pieces to the puzzle and so many products that don’t deliver or are to hard to understand. I stepped away from the whole thing for the good part of another year after blogging my heart out and marketing and getting few results… Here I am again. Ready to get it done because I want this!!
Great post – I’m excited to meet everyone.
David, I am touched by this post and your sharing so much of yourself. I’m embarrassed to say that I’m only just digging into these Dashboard modules (on the plane en route to NAMS). So much of my entrepreneurial experience in the last three years has been backwards. I got excited about social media long before I had anything to promote or sell. I’ve learned so much from so many people, but it’s time for me to put it all together. Let the new leg of my journey begin.
Personally, in the spirit of sharing, I have been so, so fortunate in my life and marriage – John and I celebrated out 40th in October and he’s still the person I’d rather be with than anyone in the world. We have two amazing grown children who are not only happily married and employed, but doing things that make a difference in the world.
I trained to be an anatomist but took another route as wife, mother, and community activist. No regrets there. But now that the kids are out of the nest, and my retired husband is good at staying busy on his own, I have an entrepreneurial itch I haven’t scratched yet. At this stage in my life, I’m not looking to be rich and famous, but I should would like to earn enough to pay for a fabulous vacation every year.
Should I have posted all this in the forum? If so, let me know and I’ll copy and paste.
I work in construction. A decent living, stay busy, bring home a paycheck weekly. Not exactly head over heels inspired by that, nor as physically capable as I once was, so I have been exploring options.
Affiliate marketing seemed to hit all of my personal criteria buttons for a viable “retirement career” , but until now I have been stumble-bumbling along, as a green newbie. Thanks to Kaya Singer for introducing me to NAMS and you, David.
Now, I have to say, your excellent website seems a bit overwhelming , so I can see myself struggling a bit to stay focused, but it certainly has me chomping at the bit to actually see RESULTS from my efforts.
I’m ready to dive in!
Excellent Jeff – you’re only scratching the surface of this site. But I’m so glad that you’re digging in here with this series. You’ll see a bunch of tools, training and community opportunities to help you when you need it. Thanks for being here.
I’ve been a member since October, but I’m just now really getting started. My youngest was born with medical disabilities but it was December of 2011 before we learned that my oldest has a few medical challenges herself. I spent the months of November and December of 2012 (1 year later) getting her prepared for surgery (Christmas eve, of course!) and getting myself prepared for the $16,000 medication expense (not including the anesthesiologist, surgeon, hospital, etc). I lost my job at the beginning of December, but it took me until February to make the decision (no regrets) to pursue my passion (working for myself, traveling with my daughters), and until now to get back to MyNAMS. I’m sorry I missed the February session (no babysitter), but can’t (currently) afford the August one – unless I get my butt in gear and get to making things happen.
I’m disappointed that I’m starting 5 months after I joined, but it is what it is – and the BEST thing I can do is move forward, and not look back.
Here goes…
I attended the NAMS9 workshop in February, and immediately came home and went over my copious notes with a highlighter. I created Action Points and Resources lists, and set myself a 6 month To Do list to accomplish before NAMS10 which I registered for at 9. I just signed on to the 30-Day Challenge to help me to achieve that list. I’ve been watching many of the weekly trainings (the ‘Legal Gotchas’ replay was both alarming and reassuring at the same time, and I’m looking forward to hearing him speak again at 10). While I can pay for the occasional training and workshop, the monthly membership would be a hardship at this point. I really like what I’ve seen of NAMS so far because it seems that I can make a good start of it and get my business up and running and starting to grow with a Basic Membership, knowing that when I’ve gotten to that point I’ll want more of the training and info and will be able to budget the monthly membership fees into my business expenses. Thank you for the opportunity to get a leg up.
I joined the 30 day list building challenge and was blown away with all that you were offering. I looked over the site and decided to cancel my membership with a different trainer and become a member here. I already feel that I will be making sales online by the end of this challenge and I did not have that kind of belief before I found your training. Thank you.
Wow! Thank you Lori for your confidence and kind words. We will try not to disappoint. I love what we do and I love being of value to people like you. So, let us know what we can do to help.