We’re never supposed to admit this…
I’m struggling today.
And there’s really no good reason for it. I can’t point to anything and say, “Oh, if only that hadn’t happened!” or “If only that had gone the way I wanted it to…”
Nothing is wrong. And nothing is right. It’s all in my head.
I had a very close friend, now deceased for 4 years, that used to call that “having the mulliegrubs”. Today, I’ve got the mulliegrubs.
My brain is not wired like everyone else’s (or maybe it is, I don’t know…), but I know that I have to work very hard at staying positive so that those little niggling doubts and worries don’t come tumbling in.
It’s been much easier for me over the past 15 years since I’ve built more faith in my life. But some days, it’s tough. I don’t suffer from depression. Mine is not a chemical imbalance. I suffer from self-pity, pathetic, debilitating, disgusting, ridiculous, unwarranted self-pity.
I’m a pretty positive guy with a great work ethic, but sometimes… well…
So, this morning, when I felt this coming on, I posted on Facebook in the Internet Marketing Super Friends group this little snippet:
[font family=”Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif” size=”11″ color=”333333″ textshadow=”0″ alignment=”left” weight=”normal” style=”normal” lineheight=”110″]How do you stay so damn positive!?
I get up every morning and read stuff that gets my mind right for about 45 minutes. Sometimes, that’s inspirational, spiritual, or “positive” books. Sometimes, it’s a biography – especially like historical – of someone who has had transformational moments in their life like Ben Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, George Washington. Or more contemporary folks like Steve Jobs, Warren Buffet, or others…
But this morning I read that our lives are the cumulative totals of our plus and minus thoughts – positive and negative. Like putting a drop of clear water in a glass of dirty water, we can clean up our mind by dripping positive thoughts throughout the day.
Some people just seem to have this nailed.
How do you do it, if you do? And if not, why not?[/font]
Paul Evans, one of our NAMS rock star instructors, responded with a link to this post on his blog. It was just what I need!
He gave me permission to reprint it here.
Why I Am Happy 92% of the Time
Guest Post by Paul Evans
It might be a little higher than 92%, but I didn’t want to brag. And I am not afraid at all for you to talk to any of my friends and family to find out if I am telling the truth.
It’s said that happiness is based on circumstances, while joy is based in the Holy Spirit. Joy is NOT determined by circumstances. We can all have it regardless of our situation.
However, I AM talking about being happy. This is about creating circumstances that produce happiness.
In order to get and stay happy some nouns (people, places and things) may have to change. More importantly, you may have to change (I know I did!)
Before getting to the 6 Habits of Ridiculous Happiness here’s a quick test to help you determine if you have the raw materials necessary to make happiness easier.
Personal Happiness Test: Do you feel that a lot of life happens TO you? Or do you feel that a lot of life happened BECAUSE of you?
If you answered TO, then you’re going to have a tough time being happy. You most likely have a “victim” mindset. Nothing goes your way. The world is against you. You’re self-focused.
If you answered BECAUSE, then you’re going to have an easy time being happy. You most likely have a “contributor” mindset. A lot just seems to go your way. The world is waiting for your next action. You are others-focused.
The good news is that every TO person can become a BECAUSE person. Every BECAUSE person can become a BE-CAUSE person. This will help…
6 Habits of Ridiculous Happiness
Habit #1: Love.
Loved by God. John 3:16. I take that verse very seriously (and I don’t take much seriously at all).
It seems like a lot of folks on the planet are searching for acceptance. John 3:16 takes care of that. That makes me happy. (Of course you have to accept this truth. If you keep making that “why I’m worthless” list you’re never gonna have a permanent smile.)
Love others. You may recognize this as “the second commandment.” Loving others makes you happier. You think about people and smile. You look for ways to carry out…
Habit #2: Helping Others
This is a BIG key to happiness. When we serve others I’m convinced it releases some sort of happy chemical. Doing something cool or sweet for someone unleashes a wave of goodness. You can…
Help an old lady get her groceries in her car.
Give a smile to the cashier.
Serve in a local mission or soup kitchen.
Sponsor an orphan.
Write a thank you note.
Leave a gigantic tip. (I did this at Waffle House last week and the waitress screamed so loud I could hear her at my car.)
Warning: there will be times when you serve and get rejected. The old lady might hit you with her cane. The cashier might give you the one finger wave. The waitress might take your tip and say, “It’s about time.”
Happiness is about the action you take, not the response you get.
Helping Others is something we all CAN and SHOULD do everyday to be happier. If you’re self-centered I think you deserve to be miserable.
Habit #3: Laughter.
I love to laugh and love to help other people laugh. If you want to be happier, you need to get funnier. Or at least get a sense of humor if you don’t have one.
One of the best things about Facebook is the number of funny sayings, images and video that are shared. You don’t have to be funny. On Facebook others can be funny for you.
Certainly you need to be able laugh at yourself. Most of my keynote speeches open with a segment called, “The Advantages of Being Short.” I make fun of myself while clearly pointing out that tall people will all be my height one day. We all have a good time and folks find out that I’m not some serious speaker that’s come to drain them of life through boredom.
How can you help others laugh more?
Habit #4: Work.
If you HATE your work it’s gonna be tough to be happy. Hate and happy just don’t go together. They’re not good dance partners.
On the other hand, if you love your work and who you work with and who you work for it’s much easier to be happy.
“Paul, you don’t know my boss. He’s a real jerk! You’d be miserable to if he was your commander.”
Go back to Habit #2. If you can’t beat them; serve them.
Heads up: If you’ve hated every job you’ve ever had you must find the problem. What’s the ONE thing all those jobs had in common…. Ah… YOU!
Since you can’t fire yourself, make yourself better and your work will be better. And you’ll be happier.
Habit #5: Wiring.
Worry kills happiness.
OK, I’ve got an advantage here. I’ve never been a worrier. Some of my friends are though. I’ve seen them in mental wrestling matches with the great “What If?” The matches can go on for days, even weeks.
I knew I could never compete with them in the arena, so I decided not to worry. I mean some of these folks are real pros!!!
I’m not a psychologist so I can’t make you stop worrying. And I don’t know a magic formula – but I do recommend you go to YouTube and type in “Bob Newhart Stop It.” That might help.
Habit #6 Quit.
I’m a quitter. I say that with no shame. Any job or activity that made me sad long-term I quit. That’s right. I did not battle through. Did not stay the course. I quit.
Noooooo….. don’t start quitting everything. You can’t just up and quit your job, but…
You can quit things that don’t help with happiness.
Quit smoking so you’ll be healthier.
Quit eating out so much so you’ll be wealthier.
There are a lot of things we could quit immediately that would help, right?
Why not make a list? During the week when you feel blah or sad write down why. Then determine if you can change what’s creating that feeling. If you can, then do it.
A caution here, though. It’s not about OUR happiness. People have done a lot of dumb, hurtful and harmful things in pursuit of happiness. Our happiness is not to come at the sacrifice or damage of others.
What’s keeping you from being happy?
Live Your Mission,
Paul Evans
David thank you for sharing your ups and downs; your struggles. Ironically, I’m in the same boat at the moment and reaching up to pull myself out. A series of events has contributed and getting the positive feeling (though I am positive in general) back is challenging. When business is slow and the bills are due it feels hard to be optimistic. But I know this is temporary and will pass. Loved the article by Paul. I’m definitely going to take a look at that Bob Newhart clip on YouTube 🙂
I know what you mean when you say that you’re not supposed to admit to it – but I’m so glad whenever a leader DOES because it’s honest and provides us all with the transparency we need from others to help us know that we’re not alone in similar struggles.
One of the greatest things I learned as a new Christian way back when is that I can be in charge of my thoughts and not the other way around. When I get to thinking blah, I can take charge and change my mind’s direction – or I can just go with the flow and be dragged down. I’m just stubborn enough to want to take charge and change direction – MOST of the time LOL!
Just like you, I seek out positive input. I feed my brain good stuff – all the more so when I start to feel blah. Books or spoken word audio and music can all have a powerful impact on me.
Thanks for sharing and giving us some great positive input from Paul too 🙂
Yep – Paul is an inspiration! 92% of the time at least 🙂
Feeding your brain and changing the direction of your thoughts is the key. Sometimes I just sit in my chair and think I can wrestle these things to the ground. But in truth, it’s the same old thing as writing that grouchy letter to someone and putting it in a drawer over night. When I come back to it, I usually throw it out. And it’s because I got up, moved around, took a walk, pulled weeds in the garden, pet the dogs, had a cup of coffee, or my favorite, watched an episode of Andy Griffith. Then my brain is affected with positive energy and I can work effectively again.
Thanks for the comment.
A very inspirational article.
Thanks for sharing this.
I think most of us have things to learn from what Paul is saying here.
Some more and some less.
But if we all do, this world will be an even greater place to live on 🙂
Stefan@ JV Broker services
Sorry for my last input in the post above.
Just try to figure out how to use what’s mention below
“This blog uses premium CommentLuv which allows you to put your keywords with your name if you have had 5 approved comments. Use your real name and then @ your keywords (maximum of 4)”
But I guess I did wrong. Feel free to edit that and take away this post.
Sorry
Stefan
Love this post! I especially cracked-up about Bob Newhart–so right on. I have to pass this on to a special person in my life. I hope it helps. Thanks for sharing this David. ebbyd
I love this! Especially the last habit! I can’t tell you how many times I have battled through something only to be more miserable when everything is said and done. This list is going on the inside cover of my journal. Thank you for the great reminders!
Hi David,
I love tips from Paul regarding habits of ridiculous happiness. Practising these habits really can boost our happiness. It’s great to see so many people regularly doing things to help others and when we make others happy we tend to feel good ourselves too. Thank you for your awesome content.
Kind Regards
Yasin Rishad
Thank you for this, David! I can so relate. Some days staying positive and happy prove to be more of a challenge than others.
What I think helps the most is when we’re honest about that, and share it.
None of us walk through this valley alone.
Love the post!
http://www.susanmarymalone.com/why-i-love-to-write-fiction/
Thank you for this article. I strongly believe that #1 and #2 are huge points. When you are self centered and you’re not filled with love you will be gloomy. There is a joy that comes from the Lord when we help the poor, when we smile, when we go out of our way to help others. Thanks for sharing about yourself David!
WOW! How cool! Now I KNOW I am in the right place with the right people!
As I read the blog you shared, I had a good laugh! It was as though someone had peeked over my shoulder and saw what I wrote as answers to your questions from the Introduction section.
– What do you love? And I had written in my notes “To laugh, help others and share love and joy”
– What’s important to you” And I answered “Becoming debt free to be able to help more people, be a blessing to others since i have been blessed and to be happy!”
Thank you for the part about quitting since I have had to part ways with some manipulative and negative people in my life to come back to my natural place of Happy!
This is truly going to be an exciting ride and I am so glad I already signed up to come to the conference in Atlanta! An entire weekend with positive people! I AM ready!
Thanks for that great article and information a great read. I love it
great post indeed, thanks for sharing a very useful information
Very awesome post, I certainly love your blog, keep on it.
What an incredible publication, I’ll reread it all. I loved your blog.
For many of us, being happy is a difficult job. You have nicely describe the psychological points.
Thank you David for bringing us an expert like Paul to teach everyone how to be a little happier … sometimes we not only have to deal with depression and other mental illnesses, but we must treat ourselves just to be a little bit happier. Being happy is cheap …
Glad to hear you have found six powerful tools that help you with your happiness. It really does come down to training happiness into your life and learning to practice this type of habits. Crazy thing is we are all really mirrors as well. Notice how being around a very happy person is infectious and makes you want to be happier. Just like you said in number 3 laughter. Nothing better than having a good laugh in life. If in a bad mood I just think about a fun time and it perks me right up 🙂
Really great Information I really like it. Thanks for sharing this .
I quite enjoyed reading it, you happen to be a great author.
Good write-up, thanks for sharing!
This article is worth reading. Very amzing. Thank you so much.
Great blog, thnaks for sharing
This article is so inspiring. I think we all need to take what Paul has said here and reflect on our lives, because even if it seems like he’s talking about different things than us or not applicable in some cases- that doesn’t mean his words aren’t worth considering for how they can change your perspective of life as well!